Chad Kroeger and Avril Lavigne are engaged. This is not news. This is, in fact, old news. Remember when twitter exploded with the hashtags and hate? #Chavril trended in Canada and culture elitists and the self-proclaimed gatekeepers of “good taste” were quick to rip 2 musicians they’ve probably paid to see, or sang along with, at some point. Now, to my point: I want to be invited to the wedding. Even just a single invite is cool. Maybe Avril has a friend or two looking for an escort? I could totally handle that. If Nickelback songs have taught me anything; it’s that those guys like to party. With that in mind, one has to assume that the wedding will be a 5-Alarm-Rocker. I present three lyrical examples:
a) Nickelback on drinking, from “Bottom’s Up”
“We’re drinking black tooth, eighty proof, straight gasoline. Slam as much as you can then hand the bottle to me”
Do you think the guy who wrote THAT is going to have a “cash bar”? ’cause I don’t.
b) Nickelback on girls, from “Animals”
“It’s hard to steer when you’re breathing in my ear. But I got both hands on the wheel while you got both hands on my gears.”
I’m guessing the bridesmaids are going to be ready to party.
c) Nickelback on ‘nights on the town’ , from “Burn it to the Ground”
“We’re going out tonight, to kick out every light, take anything we want, drink everything in sight.”
In my mind, this is the greatest party of all time. There are monster trucks, jello shooters, fireworks, life-size ice sculptures, plenty of beer, no shortage of appies, loud music and not a care in the world. Who wouldn’t want to be invited to that?
I know what you’re thinking: “I don’t want to go to that party, because I don’t like Nickelback.” Liking Nickelback is not the point here; liking how the guys in Nickelback party, is.
If you, or somebody you know, is connected to this event in any way, please pass my information along. Even sending a link to this blog would be greatly appreciated. I promise to dance with Chad and/or Avril’s grandparents to “Shout” and bring a decent gift off the registry.